We are approaching our Christmas celebrations with friends and family, and these times will trigger our hearts toward fun and joy or they will trigger points of tension and frustration. The heart is a battlefield of pride, defensiveness, control, and expectations that are not met, so here are some resolutions you can pursue to make sure you protect your heart from pain.
1. Pursue Connection over Control
Ask yourself, “How can I connect to this person’s heart over trying to control what their behaviors or attitudes may be at the moment?” This isn’t easy to do with difficult people, but trying to control others’ actions, schedules, environments, behaviors, or whatever else is not in our power will end up impacting us in negative ways. Instead of trying to be controlling in these areas, we can choose to prioritize connecting with each person’s heart in more intentional ways. Take the time to learn what will bless the people we spend time with by asking them questions about them and showing that you are for them.
2. Pursue Mercy over Judgement
We can always hold on to grudges from the past or simply be in a state of irritability about something that has been done from someone else toward me. We will have many reasons to pronounce judgment over someone or something. Or, we can choose to extend mercy over judgement, because we truly believe, and therefore, act upon that “mercy triumphs over judgement.” James 2:13 says, “for judgment is without mercy to the one who has not shown mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment.” This is a principle that we can live out by first personalizing God’s mercy over us by faith in Jesus and what He has done for the forgiveness of our sins. Then,
in light of God’s mercy toward us, we can pursue to extend mercy on others and be set free from the perpetual bondage and pattern of judgements.
3. Pursue Unity, but that may mean Honest Disunity over Dishonest Unity
Finally, as a last resolution, we all desire to have authenticity and freedom with our relationships. Just because we are pursuing to connect with others and extending mercy toward others, it doesn’t mean we need to be fake or perform for others in order to try to “keep the peace.” Sometimes it is necessary to simply communicate that you are setting boundaries, because genuine unity is too important for you, especially toward those you love and spend time with over the holidays. You want to be forgiving and gracious, but the pathway of that is not pretending to have unity in a dishonest way. Why? Because the realities of life according to our sinful hearts is that there will be differences of opinion and preference between two or more people. That’s why you’re willing to accept that honest disunity over certain matters is better than dishonest unity that forces you to be fake on the outside toward others, while feel frustrated on the inside. It’s okay to not be okay with something. It’s normal to have problems with others, but you’re not willing to sacrifice your joy over the holidays by allowing dishonest unity to rule your heart. As an alternative, you can pray and give it over to Jesus. You can also ask God for the boldness to confess to others with grace how you really feel. The point is, you want to make sure your heart is at peace, because Christmas truly signifies the greatest gift to mankind, and we want to celebrate that with joy.
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